a Brief Summary of Arab American & Muslim Culture

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Orlando Tragedy & the Elephant in the room the G word

On June 12, 2016 a lonely yet , frustrated young Afghan-American Male by the name of Omar Mateen shot 49 attendees at Pulse Nightclub which is a club exclusively for LGTBQ people. After all the info came out about his background, there were a lot of Islamophobia and hate. Then , a subject within the Muslim community came to the surface. As you know , Muslims who uphold their values tend to not talk about taboo subjects such as Sexuality and Gender. 

It’s still hitting the hearts of so many Families that have lost loved ones. As of recently , a few aquaintances of mine from the Community came out . 1st of all , I had already knew about certain individuals who had already identified as Queer. One being an Ex Best Friend of mine . It was so hard to break off that friendship . It’s not like I didn’t care , it was because my moral compass was telling me it was wrong. 

We all know that one of the signs of The Day Of Judgment is when the same gender get together. Religion says that it’s wrong , but on the other hand it says it’s ok and not just act on it.

There were times in my life as a Muslim Woman , where I questioned my own Sexuality. It was in 8th Grade when Ellen Degeneres came out on Time Magazine. It hurt alot that females in my class were making fun of me because I couldn’t date a guy.

I can tell you that 16 years later I began to grow with my identity and yes , I am straight still and I am attracted to Men it just has to be Halal.

While at the same time , I understand the heartbreaking notion of Muslim   Parents whom have Children who have come out of the closet and their dreams of one day their Children getting Married and having Kids have been dashed and also to come to terms with telling their Families back in the Balad ( Homeland) while also recieving backlash and sometimes losing those Relatives.

Here are my Final thoughts , Muslims are not Terrorists .  Most of The highest population of Muslims is in the Asian country of Indonesia. Arabs make 18% of the population. We all don’t want to hurt you and if you listen to people like Donald Trump and the Media then you’ve probably made up your own conclusion about it from the Media .

To the Parents of the Communities,

I know with this political climate , these times are certainly hard for us all. Just remember that Allah has a plan for everyone including your precious Children.

It’s ok to grieve for awhile whether it’s for the Tragedy  or for your personal struggle with your Children . Life itself isn’t easy at all. I hope that Allah (SWT) makes this test easier for many of us. Read the rest of this entry »

Are we not even Human? the Attacks in 24hours

What happened in Paris , France was really sad and horrific . My heart goes out to the families and loved ones whom are still reeling in from this tragedy. , But there’s one thing I’d like to point out, why all of the sudden do people care if something is going on in the West when Beirut and Baghdad were both being bombed?. I am sick and tired of trying to apologize or condemn these attacks that ISIS whom I DONT consider them apart of our Muslim community at all.  43 People in Beirut died in the south district  where the majority of the neighborhood is of the Shiite Sect. At least 2 people from the Dearborn , Michigan area were among the victims killed. In Baghdad , scores of people were killed while attending a funeral. Who’s to say that one group of lives matter than the other’s? I may sympathize with Lebanon and Iraq because I grew up around Refugees from those two countries and not conic dentally they were of both Muslim sects. I have a heart for all humanity including my Origin country of Libya and my Nurture Country of Palestine. I feel like the Ummah has definitely feel apart whether we kill Non Muslims or Each Other. That’s all I have to say about this sad situations I guess people don’t have an ounce of humanity anymore. May God be with us all.

Omar Dean is the next voice

 Lebanese Western artist Omar Dean doing his absolute best of his version of John Legends ‘ All Of Me’ on The Voice Arabia on MBC. Please vote for him he’s talented.

Disclaimers and what I have learned from others

I know I have been away for sometime and it’s because I didn’t have anything to write about. Disclaimer: Just because I write about Arab and or Muslim Issues doesn’t mean that I’ll write heavy Religious topics since I lead a different life than most people my age or social group. I am also ethnically diverse as well I don’t want to make anymore assumptions about what I post or blog I know everyone has their own opinions. On the topic of what I have learned from others. Recently , I developed a friendship with someone of a younger caliber it was my fault for dragging it on & also the person didn’t make it clear about it being just a Friendship I simply didn’t get the hint until 6 and a half months later. Usually when Girls come up to me whom have ” Talked ” to people younger than them they don’t quite understand that they’re on a different level than we are. After my slight rejection I left and it was for the best . , But something I’ve learned from it was that despite conversations I had with a person , the response was quite negative. Those people with serious Issues and in their Early 20’s shouldn’t even think about being ready for a Relationship at this point anyway. It’s always our Community telling Females that they should ” Grow up” and Mature before they think about anything . Males can have their Freedom as they wish it just depends on their personality. Why can’t the older generations of Males have a sit down with our Young Shabab and tell them to Focus on their Education and other things and learn how to be patient?. I know Allah made them a different way , but still it isn’t fair. Women mature more than Men I just don’t seem to understand this day in age at all. InshaAllah I’ll be back to focus on other things and Issues it just seems like the gender issues get swept up under the rug everytime. It’s always the Females that get into some trouble unless a guy went to Extremes. Thats all I’m going to say.

Things other people can’t see and May/December does it really exist ? and does it work?

My Best Friend and I would start off our spring and summer going to picnics and parties . While we would both have fun , we couldn’t escape the annoying questions of Elder Aunties asking when one of us would get married thankfully she doesn’t have to get that anymore. When it comes to me , I am tired of explaining to people that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I have a mild form of CP which they only see me once every few months when the weather is warm. Yes I am pretty , but please don’t ask me why no one came. Allah has better things planned for me. While we’re on that subject , I get hit on by loads of youngermen on social media because I look really young. When I explain to them my age they still push it. Please don’t use the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)’s relationship with the lovely Khadijah (RA) it was a different time plus , she was widowed . There was few guys that I was even interested in , but they were waaay too young for me , but we’re still pretty good friends. Looking back on Celebrity May/December romances got me thinking it doesn’t exist because of the timeline between two people and their span of maturity. I still dunno why people make such a big deal about Puma’s and Cougars like they’re some odd trend I haven’t even read any successful Marriages coming out of May/December romances . Anyways , I had nothing to talk about just wanted to reiterate why people ask too many questions about my love life. Arabs are nosey and like to gossip just beware. Next entry will be Joseph Attieh’s new album coming soon for now Peace!

My Thoughts on The Bachelor Interview with Andi Dorfman (And why I feel for her)

Tonight on ABC they aired a special The Bachelor interviewing the latest Bachelor Chris Soules , but I am not gonna talk about him . The last Bachelorette Andi Dorfman , was engaged to Josh Murray . Everyone was set  on them lasting for a long time as with Bachelor history , only few made the cut. I thought she was kind of bossy and domineering , but when I watched this interview , I had a heart for her. I know exactly how it feels to have your heart broken and totally crush by the person u love and ultimatley doesn’t want u back. She’s not a failure and things happen for a reason. I think that My Opinion of Josh has swayed a little bit. I think he only wanted fame and not Love. I hope that her heart begins to heal so she can move on with her life. I hope she finds someone who unconditionally loves her and sacrifices for her and most of all is COMMITTED. Guys , if you’re not committed to a Girl than tell her and she’ll leave.  Anyways , I wished the Bachelor series would end and pick people whom are not on the show and whom are serious about finding the Love of their life. That’s a wrap for my reality show round up.

An Unforgettable Tragedy , A Heartbreaking Loss my take on Chapel Hill Shooting

After a 12 and a half hour sleep I woke up to check on messages from the morning. I turned on Instagram and got the news of 3 Muslims whom were killed in execution style. I was laying there shaking and didn’t know what to think and I had an upcoming test in political sceince class so I was afraid to go to school the next day.  They all have said that they argued over parking spots. I believe in my heart it was a hate crime. Why would anyone want to hate Muslims? what did WE as a whole do to deserved to be hated?. Is it because we believe differently?. I am starting to think this whole rampage came about when the Bradley Cooper movie ” American Sniper” came in theaters. Muslims are loving and peaceful people. The Radicals that u see in the media are not apart of us. I cannot  fathom the pain and heartache The Abu Salha and The Barakat are going through.  I wished the world would just get along and see that even tho Muslims may be different , we all go through the same life struggles as everyone else does. #MuslimLivesMatter #AllLivesMatter no matter what . I wished everyone would just see that. Islamophobia has been in an all time high since the Charlie Hebdo incident in France a few months ago. Let me tell u something about these 3 Victims:

Deah Barakat was a student at UNC and was going to school to persue dentistry . He also wanted to provide things for underprivileged people here within the United States and Abroad. His plan was to go to Syria and help those Refugee Kids . According to his Sister , he had the kindest heart.

Yusr Abu Salha was his wife of 6 Months and she was to follow suit going to dentestry school as well she was accepted to UNC not too long ago.

Razan Abu Salha  just 19 years old and wanted to become an Architect . Best Friends have said that she was the sweetest thing ever.

I would like to end this by giving my Condolences to both Families and May Allah (SWT) give them Sabr during those difficult times ahead.

إنالله وإنا إليه رجعوم  ” To Allah We Belong & Unto Him We Shall Return”

The World when You’re Younger VS The World when you grow up ( Eventually)

When I was a little girl, my dreams were a little bit different than my Sister’s or my Friends. I didn’t dream of Fairy Tales or a Big White Wedding Dress. I knew that my life was gonna be different and that I was gonna have to ride solo with Allah by my side. As a Teenager , it wasn’t that much easier I was teased and bullied not just because I had a mild form of Cerebral Palsy , but because I had a religion and culture that I had to abide by. I was stuffed in lockers and rocks being thrown at by females ( It was during the intifada they were confused that I wasn’t Palestinian , but Arab). Their verbal abuse of ” No boy is gonna ever like you , I doubt you’ll be married” it hurt , but I never knew what Naseeb , Qadar or Makhtoob was until I got older. In my early 20’s , I struggled with depression and what I call ‘Cultural Anxiety’ I am also of mixed race so it was hard for me to balance both worlds. At the time my Sister was Engaged which ultimiatley ended. Once about 10 years ago when she finally gotten married , I let it go. At the age of 22 I had my Infatuation phase , that quickly dissapated. I then had  a terrible crush on a best friend that turned out to be a friendzone well it happend twice both are now married and one has a child. I Finally decided to live my life and go back to school after I went to Libya in 2012 it wasn’t easy being around a society that focused on Marriage and Family when u yourself cannot have any of those things. It’s hard to remain positive and accepting Allah’s final decree but this is what he wants for me and maybe I was better without those things. When I got my 1st heartbreak it was a stab to the chest. I felt like I had done something wrong as u know , Pre Marital Relations are Forbidden , but I am gonna let Allah judge me for it. I realized when it ended that we weren’t right for one another and I had often worried that maybe I won’t ever find someone who would love me as much as I loved them. I realized I am OK with being alone and I am OK with being just Friends with people and knowing it may never turned into an ever lasting love. I think Girls watch movies and think its real it’s not , Relationships are hard as Bricks and sometimes staying together is something both people are not mutually exclusive  to.  So I’m starting from scratch living my life & going to school so I can suppoort myself and my immediate family and wait to see what my other different path leads to. I wish older generation wouldn’t be so hard and glamourize marriage to these young girls. There’s nothing wrong with having a career and being alone for the rest of your life this is what Allah’s plan for us is , than u should respect that and respect the fact that it’s none of your business as to why we didn’t find our Nasayib. InshAllah I hope that in Jannah I get to meet the Love of my Life , My Best Friend. For now it’s all about living my life and making money . Hoping nice girls like me following suit.  Until next time  Peace!

Things that Us Single Muslim Girls Struggle with and are Annoyed by

It seems to me that whenever some of us whom have been single for a VERY long time go to social events with our Married friends , it seems like they don’t understand our struggle at all. Here are somethings we’re sick of hearing esp advising.

1. ” Naseeb happens when you at least expect it”

We know that already , cut the crap we know Allah writes down whom we should be with whenever the times right and it’s still hard

2. ” What’s wrong with you?, Maybe you should attract a guy more by changing your wardrobe”

That’s really not gonna cut it , if a guy happens to like us for us , great

3. “Maybe you should learn how to cook more”

Who cares maybe I’ll find a guy who likes to eat sandwhiches sometimes

4. ” You’re not professional enough”

5. ” Your type is kind of unrealistic” 

I know I am picky , but that’s how I roll I have certain qualities that I find that is gonna make me wanna be with this person u probably weren’t realistic with your chices.

6. ” Find someone a little older maybe it’ll increase your chances”

It doesn’t matter age or maturity , if they ain’t ready , they ain’t ready

7. Last but not least ” You’re Too Nice”

What do u want me to be a stuck up person?

These things that my Friends and I run into is sometimes very sad. We’re all spiritual and patient when it comes to Allah (SWT) perfect timing . My Problem is my Type tends to find Girls already to be Engaged/Married to , Too Young or Not really ready to settle down. I may not have that type of faith anymore , but what I do know is that I am human who wants to be loved and cared for all the right reasons. If it’s not to be in this life , Inshallah in Jannah ya Rab!

No one can survive Bombs and Tunas alone… My Journey to Libya in 2012

I’ve been to the Arab Country situated in North Africa 3 times now & this time , it was different. 1st of all , it was 1 year after the infamous ‘ Arab Spring’ that happened on Feb 17th where they overthrew the tyrannical leader known as Moammar Ghaddafi. My Father decided that winter was too bad for me to stay in America and also some personal issues I won’t be discussing on this page. It was great for a few weeks until wars started happening and things began to take a turn for the worse. I went to a lot of Weddings and Engagement visits. Like I said , Libyans are more conservative they don’t have Engagement parties like other more open Arab countries do they just write the  contract and set a wedding date.  All I could eat for Lunch/Dinner was chicken , eggs and tuna sandwiches because the economy was so bad after the Arab Spring that we couldn’t afford a lot of food. I only went to the supermarket one time thanks to my cousin’s awesome husband and got all I needed. Women generally in the South of Libya such as Sebha/Al Gourda where my Father’s from , typically don’t go out of the house.  In places like Tripoli , Misrata or Benghazi ( Before Turmoil in 2 of the Cities) more women there go out and have cars to drive more than people in the South. Now  the south typically are very traditional minded it when it comes to culture and Islam. It even goes overboard with the Wedding traditions. Usually the Bride has her Hennah and Wedding at her House , but my 2nd Cousin whom I still kinda keep in touch with today , had her Wedding at a hall which was awesome. It just depends on the family and how traditional they want it to be. We had to reschedule the wedding so many times because of the Tribal infighting in town. I can tell you I was pretty scared of the bombs going off  . My Uncle’s Brother In Law describes it like a action movie he’s just seen on TV. 

There’s also some Socio/Political problems still in the country . Many People have sided with the Rebels ( Thowar as they’re called) the one’s who overthrew the Gaddafi leader and some are Tahalab ( Pro Ghadaffi People). Unfortunately, it can tear a lot of friendships and close familial relationships apart I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes.  Women in the north have a little bit more freedom than the women in the south, Women in the north do go to school , drive and even have a semi free social life . Whereas the south , a man has to take you wherever you need to go , he also gets stuff you need or ask one of the kids to go get stuff for you especially the really embarrassing stuff.  Weddings and Lunches like I said are a special occasion . The food is big and people like to drink a lot of tea & getting into the latest gossip which we know Islamically is  not the wisest thing to do. The Social life in Libya is pretty basic your family is all you need , your friends can be part of your family and many more.  When girls reach puberty they have to wear the Hijab which is customary , but the hardest part is once they’re in the late teens to late 20’s- early 30’s Libyan women are always talking about Marriage. The generations collide on this one  since now more people are willing to go to University & establish a career than starting a relationship or family. Once she does graduate , then the pressure is on and if she’s not married by 30 somethings wrong with her. When I was asked these personal questions it made me feel awkward , but as an American person I stood my ground and told them that I don’t need a man in my life and marriage is not a guarantee for me only Allah knows what’s written for me. They pity the girl if she’s Divorced like it’s a disease some couple’s are not meant to stay together for whatever reason just move on. Especially if that happens the two families have awkwardness between them and their relationships are severed. I was being called Amerekeeya because I loved freedom and independence they weren’t used to that.  The society should appreciate women who wanna live their lives as is and not pressure to conform them into a marital institution or a career that would guarantee status. I’d have to say I liked Tripoli better than my Father’s hometown it was pretty opened and things were so much fun back then. Would I wanna go back? probably not , I am happy in a country I was born and raised in. My Grandmother , who was born in a village 1hr away from where my father grew up certainly agrees with me. I’ve visited there  it’s like a  desert a bunch of houses , one store and one school. I would like to go to other Arab countries InshAllah when things get safer and better for travel until then, I’m gonna stay put in USA and focus on my life here.