a Brief Summary of Arab American & Muslim Culture

Tag: Relationships

Disclaimers and what I have learned from others

I know I have been away for sometime and it’s because I didn’t have anything to write about. Disclaimer: Just because I write about Arab and or Muslim Issues doesn’t mean that I’ll write heavy Religious topics since I lead a different life than most people my age or social group. I am also ethnically diverse as well I don’t want to make anymore assumptions about what I post or blog I know everyone has their own opinions. On the topic of what I have learned from others. Recently , I developed a friendship with someone of a younger caliber it was my fault for dragging it on & also the person didn’t make it clear about it being just a Friendship I simply didn’t get the hint until 6 and a half months later. Usually when Girls come up to me whom have ” Talked ” to people younger than them they don’t quite understand that they’re on a different level than we are. After my slight rejection I left and it was for the best . , But something I’ve learned from it was that despite conversations I had with a person , the response was quite negative. Those people with serious Issues and in their Early 20’s shouldn’t even think about being ready for a Relationship at this point anyway. It’s always our Community telling Females that they should ” Grow up” and Mature before they think about anything . Males can have their Freedom as they wish it just depends on their personality. Why can’t the older generations of Males have a sit down with our Young Shabab and tell them to Focus on their Education and other things and learn how to be patient?. I know Allah made them a different way , but still it isn’t fair. Women mature more than Men I just don’t seem to understand this day in age at all. InshaAllah I’ll be back to focus on other things and Issues it just seems like the gender issues get swept up under the rug everytime. It’s always the Females that get into some trouble unless a guy went to Extremes. Thats all I’m going to say.

Things other people can’t see and May/December does it really exist ? and does it work?

My Best Friend and I would start off our spring and summer going to picnics and parties . While we would both have fun , we couldn’t escape the annoying questions of Elder Aunties asking when one of us would get married thankfully she doesn’t have to get that anymore. When it comes to me , I am tired of explaining to people that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I have a mild form of CP which they only see me once every few months when the weather is warm. Yes I am pretty , but please don’t ask me why no one came. Allah has better things planned for me. While we’re on that subject , I get hit on by loads of youngermen on social media because I look really young. When I explain to them my age they still push it. Please don’t use the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)’s relationship with the lovely Khadijah (RA) it was a different time plus , she was widowed . There was few guys that I was even interested in , but they were waaay too young for me , but we’re still pretty good friends. Looking back on Celebrity May/December romances got me thinking it doesn’t exist because of the timeline between two people and their span of maturity. I still dunno why people make such a big deal about Puma’s and Cougars like they’re some odd trend I haven’t even read any successful Marriages coming out of May/December romances . Anyways , I had nothing to talk about just wanted to reiterate why people ask too many questions about my love life. Arabs are nosey and like to gossip just beware. Next entry will be Joseph Attieh’s new album coming soon for now Peace!

My Thoughts on The Bachelor Interview with Andi Dorfman (And why I feel for her)

Tonight on ABC they aired a special The Bachelor interviewing the latest Bachelor Chris Soules , but I am not gonna talk about him . The last Bachelorette Andi Dorfman , was engaged to Josh Murray . Everyone was set  on them lasting for a long time as with Bachelor history , only few made the cut. I thought she was kind of bossy and domineering , but when I watched this interview , I had a heart for her. I know exactly how it feels to have your heart broken and totally crush by the person u love and ultimatley doesn’t want u back. She’s not a failure and things happen for a reason. I think that My Opinion of Josh has swayed a little bit. I think he only wanted fame and not Love. I hope that her heart begins to heal so she can move on with her life. I hope she finds someone who unconditionally loves her and sacrifices for her and most of all is COMMITTED. Guys , if you’re not committed to a Girl than tell her and she’ll leave.  Anyways , I wished the Bachelor series would end and pick people whom are not on the show and whom are serious about finding the Love of their life. That’s a wrap for my reality show round up.

The World when You’re Younger VS The World when you grow up ( Eventually)

When I was a little girl, my dreams were a little bit different than my Sister’s or my Friends. I didn’t dream of Fairy Tales or a Big White Wedding Dress. I knew that my life was gonna be different and that I was gonna have to ride solo with Allah by my side. As a Teenager , it wasn’t that much easier I was teased and bullied not just because I had a mild form of Cerebral Palsy , but because I had a religion and culture that I had to abide by. I was stuffed in lockers and rocks being thrown at by females ( It was during the intifada they were confused that I wasn’t Palestinian , but Arab). Their verbal abuse of ” No boy is gonna ever like you , I doubt you’ll be married” it hurt , but I never knew what Naseeb , Qadar or Makhtoob was until I got older. In my early 20’s , I struggled with depression and what I call ‘Cultural Anxiety’ I am also of mixed race so it was hard for me to balance both worlds. At the time my Sister was Engaged which ultimiatley ended. Once about 10 years ago when she finally gotten married , I let it go. At the age of 22 I had my Infatuation phase , that quickly dissapated. I then had  a terrible crush on a best friend that turned out to be a friendzone well it happend twice both are now married and one has a child. I Finally decided to live my life and go back to school after I went to Libya in 2012 it wasn’t easy being around a society that focused on Marriage and Family when u yourself cannot have any of those things. It’s hard to remain positive and accepting Allah’s final decree but this is what he wants for me and maybe I was better without those things. When I got my 1st heartbreak it was a stab to the chest. I felt like I had done something wrong as u know , Pre Marital Relations are Forbidden , but I am gonna let Allah judge me for it. I realized when it ended that we weren’t right for one another and I had often worried that maybe I won’t ever find someone who would love me as much as I loved them. I realized I am OK with being alone and I am OK with being just Friends with people and knowing it may never turned into an ever lasting love. I think Girls watch movies and think its real it’s not , Relationships are hard as Bricks and sometimes staying together is something both people are not mutually exclusive  to.  So I’m starting from scratch living my life & going to school so I can suppoort myself and my immediate family and wait to see what my other different path leads to. I wish older generation wouldn’t be so hard and glamourize marriage to these young girls. There’s nothing wrong with having a career and being alone for the rest of your life this is what Allah’s plan for us is , than u should respect that and respect the fact that it’s none of your business as to why we didn’t find our Nasayib. InshAllah I hope that in Jannah I get to meet the Love of my Life , My Best Friend. For now it’s all about living my life and making money . Hoping nice girls like me following suit.  Until next time  Peace!

Things that Us Single Muslim Girls Struggle with and are Annoyed by

It seems to me that whenever some of us whom have been single for a VERY long time go to social events with our Married friends , it seems like they don’t understand our struggle at all. Here are somethings we’re sick of hearing esp advising.

1. ” Naseeb happens when you at least expect it”

We know that already , cut the crap we know Allah writes down whom we should be with whenever the times right and it’s still hard

2. ” What’s wrong with you?, Maybe you should attract a guy more by changing your wardrobe”

That’s really not gonna cut it , if a guy happens to like us for us , great

3. “Maybe you should learn how to cook more”

Who cares maybe I’ll find a guy who likes to eat sandwhiches sometimes

4. ” You’re not professional enough”

5. ” Your type is kind of unrealistic” 

I know I am picky , but that’s how I roll I have certain qualities that I find that is gonna make me wanna be with this person u probably weren’t realistic with your chices.

6. ” Find someone a little older maybe it’ll increase your chances”

It doesn’t matter age or maturity , if they ain’t ready , they ain’t ready

7. Last but not least ” You’re Too Nice”

What do u want me to be a stuck up person?

These things that my Friends and I run into is sometimes very sad. We’re all spiritual and patient when it comes to Allah (SWT) perfect timing . My Problem is my Type tends to find Girls already to be Engaged/Married to , Too Young or Not really ready to settle down. I may not have that type of faith anymore , but what I do know is that I am human who wants to be loved and cared for all the right reasons. If it’s not to be in this life , Inshallah in Jannah ya Rab!

2015 is almost here and still self focused

It’s been quite a year for me and it was pretty decent Alhamdulilah for the most part. I finally encouraged myself to go back to college after 13 years of not doing so. I was really scared and didn’t know what the challenges were ahead I’m not really very academic is most areas like Science or Math , but at least I took Arabic class and managed to do very well. It was also a time for me to focused on my self , it had been at least 8 years since I got my 1st REAL Heartbreak . It took me a very long time to realize that whatever I was feeling at the time was just normal and a learning lesson & now they’re embarking a new chapter in their life Marriage. It might be silly , but it’s something I learned from 2 of my Favorite classy Celebs Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman about when a relationship kinda has its end and the reality of moving on . I now have the full closure that I really needed and I am happy for everyone and wish them the very best. I am just gonna focus on School and getting myself together Allah knows best when my time will come & even if not , InshAllah in Jannah ( Paradise) . I know u were looking for something fun on this post , but this is what all Humans go through especially Females. We’re all not perfect and we sin differently plus whenever u wanna preach about something to someone u should always go to another room to discuss them privately and not in public to humiliate people. We all have different timelines and paths to grieve and to heal. I’ve witness a lot of good things as well  . InshAllah hopefully your 2015 is off to a beautiful start. Oh best Part Syria got their 1st Arab Idol Hazim Sharif and Wael Kfoury wasn’t that bad of a judge and his Album is amazing!. Until Next time Bye!

What not to talk about in an Interracial/Interreligious Relatiopnships

As many of you know , I am mixed with Arab Libyan and American of German and Irish backgrounds. When Arab Men decide to Marry someone from ‘ The People of the Book’ or ‘ Ahl Al Kitab’ it gets really complicated. so I came up with of list of things not to talk about when you’re in that situation especially for children. And as of lately, alot of young American males some of them are attracted to Arab Muslim females that sometimes they don’t even understand that they shouldn’t even persue any further with them whatsoever. I know this topic of relationships comes up on my blog , but a few things need to be addressed so people can be aware of such things.

  1. Religion  : This topic can be a bit touchy since one person might  be  so strong in their faith that it might just cause arguments. Especially since if u are planning to have Kids the Man is the head of the house therefore, the Kids will be raised according to his faith
  2. Dating : I know it’s hard especially raising Muslim children that it’s hard to understand that your children are not allowed to be dating.  There are rules that Allah  has set forth even tho sometimes when they do date , it’ll haunt them later bringing about major consequences. And Guys , if u are Interested in a Girl , you shouldn’t be even talking to her in the 1st place if u wanna be Friends inside of class it’s fine it’s according to Family & if you’re trying to convert to Islam to just wanna be with her , then your intentions are no good . I seen alot of Guys leaving the Religion after being married u have been warned.
  3. Politics : Too complicated especially the Israeli- Palestinian conflict is very touchy especially if u find out that someone u really like is a Zionist.

Culture: I know growing up in an Arab American background , it can be tricky to know that anytime u go into a Masjid or event that sometimes you’re not even welcomed. Sticking to ur own culture I believe can sometimes strain your openmindedness , but u should explore different people of different ethnicities. As Arabs , we stick to our Comfort Zones. It’s 2014 , it’s a different era lets break out of our shell.

And lastly , hope u enjoyed reading this . It happens when u have late night thoughts till next time bye!

It’s Best to Stay Single Wallah Trust me :)

Valentines Day is coming up and alot of Girls on My Facebook Feed or in Groups are complaining about being Single. Like I’ve told u before in Islam , There’s NO Dating it’s completely Haraam ( Forbidden) it’s either your Married or Single there’s No In between. So if u think I am being Harsh or that I HATE Men it’s about realistically why Being Single is Better and ETC.. 

1.  You can eat a Whole Sandwich by yourself and u don’t have to Bother Yourself with Cooking a Fancy Meal like Mjaddara or Mbkbaka

2. Men get more emotional especially if the Guy u are Engaged/Married to. If u are Marrying a Guy from Overseas they get really mad if ur not Calling them all the time  which they don’t understand that we have Busy lives.

3. You can do your own thing and not have any Permission from anyone 

4. Strengthen Your Relationship with Allah (SWT) and Mature a little bit  you should Love Yourself before u can Love Anyone else.

5.Here Is a little bit of a Recommendation ,Talk to People that are Married or Have Been Divorced or Widowed . Marriage is not all it’s Cracked up to be , It’s hard and it Takes Commitment so think before u make any decisions and also to be realistic in ur Choices if it ends up being Naseeb InshAllah Khair.  

That’s all for me Right now til next time Salam 🙂

What We need to Teach our Females and Suicide Prevention

In the last few weeks alone , 2 Girls have committed Suicide both Young Women . One was from the United States & from the Heavy Populated Arab Community , The Other From The UK. What do we do when something like this happens? I often think in my Opinion ,  that in our Cultural & Religious backgrounds that we put too much pressure on Young Girls when they become of age. For example , when the Girl automatically turns 18 parents often think ” Well , lets get her Married” have u ever stop to ask ur Daughter what she wants to do with her life? just because she’s ” Acting Out” or doing something crazy means that she has to get Married right  away. Girls need to learn that u don’t need a Man to Survive and that all Relationships are not as perfect or ” Fairy Tale ” life.  , But we also need to stress in a calm manner why Dating is Essentially HARAM & not just a one word answer. Tell them that Allah has everything written down for her on his own time & that just because most of her Friends got Married before her that she should follow suit. Everything is Naseeb ( destined) on Allah’s timing and not when u want it to be. If Allah Forbid u don’t get Married , there’s tons of other things that’ll come your way I understand we all want to be Loved & Cared for esp the ones who are going thru the Intimacy Phase that’ll pass in ur 30’s . The thing is Girls crave attention of a Guy for the wrong reasons and some end up Committing Suicide . Tell them Calmly that in Islam it’s a Sin to Kill yourself & things will get better Inshallah in due time not everything is Guaranteed in life. If something serious should happen ask for help Immediately I know in the Muslim Community they think Depression is not a Sickness , but a Psychological phase that they could get over quickly it’s not. We need to talk about these things before it’s too late. As the years go on, things will start happening. This is a Touchy subject , but I wanted to address it.

The Price of Marriage… amazing Video

This Video has Caught the attention of Young Muslims and Non Muslims alike. It’s sad how Money plays such a big role in asking for a Girls Hand In Marriage just check out the Video. Not just Money , but also Ethnicity and Job Status. Is this what we want our Future Generations to look at how to seek a Spouse? Allah Yihdeena ( May God Guide us All) enjoy this Video 🙂 Salam!